Wandering in Wonderland

New Blog:
I am planning to buy my first Pullip doll today. This is Pullip Naomi. I think she looks a bit like me.

I've thought long and hard about why I want a Pullip and towards the end of my thought process, the term "alter-ego" pops up. I've not thought about that word for years, though it was common enough when I was studying Psychology in university.
 
 Here's what Wikipedia says about the "Alter-Ego":
"An alter-ego (Latin, "the other I") is a second self, a second personality or persona within a person, who is often oblivious to the persona's actions. It was coined in the early nineteenth century when dissociative identity disorder was first described by psychologists.[1] A person with an alter-ego is said to lead a double life.

A distinct meaning for alter-ego can be found in literary analysis, wherein it describes characters in different works who are psychologically similar, or a fictional character whose behavior, speech or thoughts intentionally represent those of the author. Similarly, alter-ego can be applied to the role or persona taken on by an actor[2] or by other types of performers.

Alter-ego is also used to refer to the different behaviors any person may display in various situations. Related concepts include avatar, doppelgänger, impersonator, and split personality."


Yes, I suppose a word more suited to the times would be the word"Avatar". After all, that movie was released not too long ago and this is the computer age when we use little pictures to represent who we are online.

So I'm starting this blog in conjunction with the arrival of my new doll to record her journey and mine in Wonderland.



Private Thoughts in a Private Blog
On a separate not, do you ever feel like if people really know who you are that they won't accept you or won't like you? I'm an introvert and a fairly private person. I like talking but I realize I don't like talking about myself. Even this blog. I think I'll only tell my husband about it and one friend I've known for eons. I don't like the idea of other people I know reading this blog. Isn't that weird? It's not like I'm planning to share any deep dark secrets here. Nonetheless, I do wonder if deep down inside, I really feel that people might not like me if they really know what I'm like (not that I consciously feel any fear of rejection). If you are like that too, perhaps you can share with me your theories about this weird secretive-secretive phenomenon.

Oh! Sometimes, I feel like I'm just thinking. I run through a gamut of thoughts from different angles. But if I say anything, then people think that it is me, when actually, it's just one of my many thoughts talking things out. I may just be chasing rabbits down their holes and haven't actually decided what to think yet. Yeah, that feels about right.

I like change. I haven't decided who I am or what I am yet. I'm in the process of evolving and I don't want to get stuck in one mold. I like being able to erase something and to do it again. And I don't want to be defined and restrained by other people's expectations and their need for me to be a certain way - perhaps, the way they have always known me to be (which could be anything from a long 10 years to a short 3 months). I particularly dislike it when people comment on my appearance, when I decide to wear something new, as if I'm some kind of movie or book character that has to stick with one line of costume. I understand that a lot of people are uncomfortable with change. They like the comfort of old familiar predictable things. Quite possible, that's why I don't like to reveal too much. It saves people the trauma of having to adjust to the me now, and then having to adjust to a new me tomorrow.

In a sense, I like being able to repent. In the bible, to "repent" means to change one's mind (and subsequently, one's actions, habits, lifestyle, etc).

Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

2 Corinthians 3:17
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18 And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect* the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.


To me, repentance means, "to constantly transform into ever-increasing glory through the renewing of my mind". Sometimes, it's a constant thing, like a flower growing and bloom - a little bit, day by day. But other times, it's like a snake shedding its skin or like a butterfly bursting out of its cocoon and spreading large wings of glory.

Anyway, it's nice to be able to just ramble here and there, wonder about this and that and explore one rabbit hole after another. In that sense, "Alice in Wonderful Wonderland" really is the perfect theme for my blog.