My First Alice

I finally bought my first Alice off the Ebay. (The one in blue, of course.)



I collected her a couple of days ago, together with four Kelly dolls (three princesses and one prince) and a Dollcena Minnie.



Being an older doll, Alice is quite different from Dormouse. She is shorter. Her head can't tilt. Her faceup is plainer and her hair is a bit stiff. (In contrast, Dollcena Minnie has the softest and most luscious orange hair.) But between this Alice and the newer version, I prefer the dress and expression on this one. I can't put my finger on it, but the new one seems less Alice-like. Hmm..... I wonder why. Maybe it's because the older doll looks younger and less streetwise. Hahaha!







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Love, Hatred and the Infectious Nature of Sin

We love people, not only for who they are, but for who we become when we are with them. I love you, not just because you are lovely, kind, admirable and generous, but also because you draw out the best part of me, and I become kinder, more loving, more warm, more generous, more admirable, an altogether better person.

Whether we intend it or not, at every moment, we make choices about who to spend time with. Even when we are alone, in our private moments, we choose if we will spend time with someone disagreeable, reliving an old quarrel, reopening an old wound, or whether we will spend the time with someone we actually like, like an inspiring author (reading his book), a great director (watching his movie) or a wonderful friend (reliving a warm, lovely conversation). It is these things we choose to think about on a moment by moment, daily basis that injects happiness or unhappiness into our marrow, causing the factory of our blood and spirit to churn out good or bad things. When they said that happiness lies in our own hands, they were not kidding.

I have found that for me personally, the main reason I spend time with disagreeable people in my head is because there is nothing else more interesting in my life to think about. It's sad, but true.

But that's a good wake up call though. I am reminded that I have neglected cultivating the garden of my heart, so that there is no longer anything beautiful or worthy blooming, that requires my attention and tending. The most interesting feature left in it is this big ugly thistle of a wound that I am constantly circling around, pruning and fertilizing!

And like some kind of monster plant from the Little Shop of Horrors, it grows and grows and grows the more I feed it. And when it has gained enough momentum, even when I try not to pay attention to it, it comes r for food and tries to eat me alive.

That is why big ugly , wounds need to be forgiven quickly, cut off and starved. The earlier we begin, the easier they are to deal with. That is why I always remind myself that it is not a sacrifice to forgive others, though it may feel like it. I am not doing it for them, but for myself. The garden of my heart must always be well-weeded. Only beautiful and worthy things must be allowed to live there, to draw nutrients from the soil of my emotions and to consume my attention (thought space) and my time. This takes some self-discipline in the beginning and some ruthlessness in weeding out unworthy things, but eventually, it develops a momentum of its own, and becomes much easier and the more natural thing to do.

We love people, not only for who they are, but for who we become when we are with them. In the same way, we also hate people, not just for who they are, but for who we become when we are with them. In line with that reasoning, if I can prevent myself from becoming an ugly person because of your wounding (intentional or otherwise), the amount of hatred I feel for you can also be stemmed. That means I will no longer be driven along by compulsive hatred for you. Instead, I can be free to be happy around you, and consequently kind and warm towards you.

It's funny how sin tries to propagate itself. You step on my foot (intentionally or otherwise), and I become upset and angry because of the pain. If I have no healthy way of recycling the anger out of my system, I tend to pass it on by stepping on someone else's foot (intentional or otherwise). That makes someone else angry, and it propagates the anger, passing it on like an infectious disease.

(Hey, that reminds me of vampires! "I suck your blood, and you become one of the "undead" like me". Hahaha!!!)






That is why one of the most important life skills we can have is knowing what to do when someone hurts me (intentional or otherwise). We don't want to become a throbbing hotbed of infectious pain, anger and other such life-robbing things, both for our own sake and our loved ones who will likely be the most constant victims.

We need operating systems, programs and power sources that promote love, not hatred.



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Loving God. The Best Revenge is To Be Happy.

Loving God spurs me on to love people, but it also ignites me to love things. It's like falling in love. Suddenly, all the world is warm and cozy and rose-tinted. Food is more delicious. Music is more moving. And things and activities of all sorts take on a different dimension and are filled with a deep pleasure. It is as if falling in love is the human-to-human parallel of having a relationship with God. Is it any wonder then, that all the world wants to fall in love?

I think, not everyone gets to deepen and savor the feelings of happiness that being with God brings. A lot of us are born, feeling unloved and unlovely. It takes a while to figure out that what God desires from us is not what we can do, not what we can achieve, not what we own and not who we can save, but us ourselves. I often think that this is so important to God that He embedded it into the way He designed babies, so that we will have a constant reminder.

Many baby animals are born with the ability to walk and run (or swim, as may be the case). But human babies are born half-blind and immobile. It will take years and years and years before we can perform even the most basic actions of walking, running, eating on our own, cleaning up after ourselves and getting our own food. If left on our own at birth, we will most certainly die.

Mysteriously, it is at this stage that a parent's instinct to love, protect and provide a child is especially deep and especially strong. The baby can do nothing and give nothing back. The parent must sacrifice much to keep up with the needs of the child. Yet a deep, overwhelming something wells up from our innermost being to balance off the pressure of sacrifice: passion, desire, love and deep stirrings in the spirit. I see this as a pale reflection of what God constantly feels towards us.

It is curious that the first thing we feel inclined to do when we meet a baby is to try and elicit a smile from them. When the baby makes eye contact and gives a toothless little grin or a little chuckle, we feel so happy. It's the weirdest thing. Could it be that is what God desires from us in "worship"? Eye contact and a chuckle? That thought makes me laugh and I feel God laughing along with me.

On my best days, the world is filled with a warm, cozy pleasure. Everything is alive and beautiful, and every person is amazing and wonderful. I think it is very important to be able to shed the unhappiness of yesterday like a snake sheds its skin or like a butterfly breaking out and leaving its cocoon. Yesterday's tragedies and unhappiness cannot contain the glory of the person God designed for me to become. If I ever want to attain the fullness of that glory, of that joy, I need to be able to break out of the seductive lures of past unhappiness. I think God helps us by giving us a short memory. As long as we don't keep revisiting the traumatic event, rehearsing its every painful detail, it gets washed away in the rapid flow of time and its after-effects is bleached to a clean, beautiful, fragrant white, as if by the sun. (Sheets blowing in the sun. Blue skies, green grass)

I feel like that is how it is with my life. Everyone has their own share of sorrow, their own share of tragedies, of Lemony Snickets type of series of unfortunate events. Everyone snubs their own toe at some point or have someone step on their foot or have some other equally random and painful event happen to them. We all get the chance to practice forgiving, forgetting and letting go.

Whenever I forgive someone, I remind myself that I am not doing it for their sake, but for my own. I don't want to spend any more time being unhappy than I already have. Time is a precious commodity that flows like water. It either turns one way or the other. I can turn that river into the tunnels of memory, spending time reliving every moment of a traumatic event, every detail of an argument, every insult I would like to hurl at my "enemy". Or I can direct that river down a sun-filled canal, spending it with people I actually like (like an author, a musician, a friend or my dogs), doing something I really enjoy. Like I always say, "The best revenge is to be happy".


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Fuzzy Resolutions

I bought an iPad connection kit so that I can connect my little Fuji Finepix to my iPad, and extract the pictures immediately (without the need to use a notebook). Then, using Blogpress, I can publish to my blog immediately. Blogpress is great because it also uploads the pictures to my Flickr account. Unfortunately, however, the pictures on the blog turn out to be pretty small. I can make it larger, but then, it would be pixelated. It's especially obvious with the Takeda Hinata wallpaper. The first was published on notebook, the second on iPad.

I hope I can find a solution soon. Right now, it's a bit distracting.

Also, the indoor pics of Naomi in a bunny suit, taken without flash has loads of noise and isn't as clear I would like it to be. Ideally, I need a light tent and proper lighting.




That would give me perfect pictures. But for now, the current setup will have to do.



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A Bunny Suit for Naomi!!

In another odd coincidence, I was raiding my bear closet for clothes today (particularly, costumes from the Sylvanian Family collection for the little Dormouse), when I found this!






Because Pullips are so skinny, 12" Naomi can wear this little rabbit suit from a 4" bear (from Wee Bear Village). I did have to undo the seams that sealed the costume up at the hands, so she can put her arms through. And of course, the little hat that was to go over the whole head now becomes a headdress of some sort. And the shoes were so enormous, I had to stuff some paper into it so it would't fall off. But all in all, I'm quite pleased. It's an odd coincidence that the bunny suit is blue and thus, matches Naomi's color perfectly. Also, very fortunately, the costume came with shoes. Only 2 of the 5 Wee Bear Village I own came with shoes. The rest were all sealed up at the feet (feet joined to the body).

I picked Naomi to try this costume because I didn't want to mess up Shan-ria's hair. It was only after I took her photo and was thinking about blogging this, that I remembered my iPad wallpaper.




Then I remembered wondering in jest yesterday where I was going to find a bunny suit for Naomi (Pullip clothes being quite hard to find and expensive). Who would've thought that I have one in the bear closet all this time? Indeed, God provides.

My New Pullips

I didn't get my Naomi Pullip on Thursday after all, due to some miscommunication with the seller. Because of this little bump in the road though, I got three new dolls instead of one! Long story of bad communication, misunderstandings, accusation, conflict and struggle. Not very interesting. The only thing I can say is that with plenty of patience and prayer, I was rewarded with three dolls instead of one.

I bought the beautiful Naomi and the lovely Shan-ria, and was given a mini-pullip free. I thought this part was really interesting. There was a choice of two mini-pullips, one was Dog from Breman Town Musicians and the other was the Dormouse from Alice in Wonderland! What are the chances of being offered something from Alice in Wonderland? Of course, I picked the Dormouse.

Here's something else that is interesting. The wall paper currently on my iPad, which I had picked out without much thought is this illustration by Takeda Hinata.

 I just realized this morning that it's an Alice in Wonderland theme. Also, here are the two dolls I ended up buying:

It's an odd bit of coincidence, ain't it? One blond girl with curly hair and one girl with long, black, straight hair. Now all I need to do is get the right clothes and a pair of bunny ears for Naomi. (^_^)


An Early Christmas
My mom and I had tremendous fun with the girls. We dug up all the old barbie doll stuff we had laying around and some new ones in boxes that were never opened. It was an evening of unboxing toys and trying out clothes. It's like Christmas came early at my house.We didn't go to bed till two in the morning.

Right now, after numerous changes, this is what they are wearing.

Both dresses and crowns are from a Barbie Princess set. They are a bit large for Naomi and Shan-ria but large is better than small, as they can be altered to fit. We raided the clothes and closets of six different barbie dolls. Five will be "executed" (given away). Only one survived the cut because she has elbows and knees that bend.

As you can see from the picture, Kelly doll is very, very, very glad to have survived the guillotine and she is even wearing her own clothes. She was spared because of her thick brown hair, which was fun to mess around with. Little Dormouse can ft into Kelly's clothes and shoes (all too large, actually), but then Kelly would be butt naked as we have no extra Kelly clothes and she wouldn't be able to fit into Dormousie's clothes.

Anyway, I am so happy to have bought both Naomi and Shan-ria. Thanks to my most beloved husband who wouldn't let up with his "Why don't you get both? *cute smile*" He is indeed the most wonderful and generous man. He even listened attentively to all my incessant rattling while I did my research, and heaccompanied me to the doll shop and waited patiently while I floundered around trying to decide which doll to buy.

Well, even from the Internet pictures, I expected that I would like Naomi's face and expression a lot more, but I probably spend more time messing around with Shan-ria's beautiful curls. Both of them are gorgeous and I expect them both to photograph well. Incidentally, when I brought them home, showed them to my mom and asked her to pick one, she instantly picked Naomi. Naomi has the most lovely lips and a cute little smile, even though Shan-ria has, by far, the more gorgeous outfit. Which one do you prefer?

Wandering in Wonderland

New Blog:
I am planning to buy my first Pullip doll today. This is Pullip Naomi. I think she looks a bit like me.

I've thought long and hard about why I want a Pullip and towards the end of my thought process, the term "alter-ego" pops up. I've not thought about that word for years, though it was common enough when I was studying Psychology in university.
 
 Here's what Wikipedia says about the "Alter-Ego":
"An alter-ego (Latin, "the other I") is a second self, a second personality or persona within a person, who is often oblivious to the persona's actions. It was coined in the early nineteenth century when dissociative identity disorder was first described by psychologists.[1] A person with an alter-ego is said to lead a double life.

A distinct meaning for alter-ego can be found in literary analysis, wherein it describes characters in different works who are psychologically similar, or a fictional character whose behavior, speech or thoughts intentionally represent those of the author. Similarly, alter-ego can be applied to the role or persona taken on by an actor[2] or by other types of performers.

Alter-ego is also used to refer to the different behaviors any person may display in various situations. Related concepts include avatar, doppelgänger, impersonator, and split personality."


Yes, I suppose a word more suited to the times would be the word"Avatar". After all, that movie was released not too long ago and this is the computer age when we use little pictures to represent who we are online.

So I'm starting this blog in conjunction with the arrival of my new doll to record her journey and mine in Wonderland.



Private Thoughts in a Private Blog
On a separate not, do you ever feel like if people really know who you are that they won't accept you or won't like you? I'm an introvert and a fairly private person. I like talking but I realize I don't like talking about myself. Even this blog. I think I'll only tell my husband about it and one friend I've known for eons. I don't like the idea of other people I know reading this blog. Isn't that weird? It's not like I'm planning to share any deep dark secrets here. Nonetheless, I do wonder if deep down inside, I really feel that people might not like me if they really know what I'm like (not that I consciously feel any fear of rejection). If you are like that too, perhaps you can share with me your theories about this weird secretive-secretive phenomenon.

Oh! Sometimes, I feel like I'm just thinking. I run through a gamut of thoughts from different angles. But if I say anything, then people think that it is me, when actually, it's just one of my many thoughts talking things out. I may just be chasing rabbits down their holes and haven't actually decided what to think yet. Yeah, that feels about right.

I like change. I haven't decided who I am or what I am yet. I'm in the process of evolving and I don't want to get stuck in one mold. I like being able to erase something and to do it again. And I don't want to be defined and restrained by other people's expectations and their need for me to be a certain way - perhaps, the way they have always known me to be (which could be anything from a long 10 years to a short 3 months). I particularly dislike it when people comment on my appearance, when I decide to wear something new, as if I'm some kind of movie or book character that has to stick with one line of costume. I understand that a lot of people are uncomfortable with change. They like the comfort of old familiar predictable things. Quite possible, that's why I don't like to reveal too much. It saves people the trauma of having to adjust to the me now, and then having to adjust to a new me tomorrow.

In a sense, I like being able to repent. In the bible, to "repent" means to change one's mind (and subsequently, one's actions, habits, lifestyle, etc).

Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

2 Corinthians 3:17
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18 And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect* the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.


To me, repentance means, "to constantly transform into ever-increasing glory through the renewing of my mind". Sometimes, it's a constant thing, like a flower growing and bloom - a little bit, day by day. But other times, it's like a snake shedding its skin or like a butterfly bursting out of its cocoon and spreading large wings of glory.

Anyway, it's nice to be able to just ramble here and there, wonder about this and that and explore one rabbit hole after another. In that sense, "Alice in Wonderful Wonderland" really is the perfect theme for my blog.